Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Crossroads DTS experience for a single mom- Carol's story

by Carol M.

My YWAM journey started one year ago. Actually the seeds had been planted about 2 years prior to that without my knowing. 

But at that time, I had a new baby and a toddler so YWAM seemed to be a boat that I had missed. In August of 2011 my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive and terminal form of brain cancer. During the last several months of his life, I grew more and more dependent on God and He showed me He was with me in so many ways. For one, the Bible verse on my phone each morning was directly related to that days struggle or triumph. I remember so many times asking God to miraculously cure him, let him watch our boys grow up, to restore our marriage and set us on a hill. I also told God that if that wasn’t His plan, I would be a missionary.

I knew I loved God and that He was good and was with me, loved me and had a good plan for me and all of that, but I also knew that there was more and that I wanted more….I just didn’t know what that was.

 Loren Cunningham's book on the story of YWAM
I reread Loren Cunningham’s “Is That Really You God?” at this time. It didn’t seem impossible like it did the first time I had read it, and for the first time I saw that YWAM offered a program for families. I also read a book about the Father heart of God. A new kind of hunger started to develop deep inside of me. I knew I loved God and that He was good and He was with me and He loved me and had a good plan for me and all of that but I also knew that there was more and that I wanted more….I just didn’t know what that was.

A journey through winter

So, back to January of 2013, it had been three months since my husband and my kid’s dad died from the brain cancer. It was the dead of winter in Wisconsin. I was lonely, afraid, confused and grieving and God reminded me of my promise to Him to be a missionary. I went on the YWAM website to search for bases that offered the family program. I read a few site pages and spoke on the phone with a few base leaders over the next couple of months and then decided on the Chico, CA base largely because it had a school on site for my now 5 and 7 year old boys. Over the next few months I did all the paperwork, which at times seemed daunting. Finally I applied and soon was accepted. WOW. I was about to embark, with my 2 boys, on the most amazing journey into the heart of God. I had no idea how wonderful, and soul searching, heart breaking, and healing the next 5 months would be!

A four day drive to CA started us off. We saw mountains and vast desert and the salt plains of Utah and in it all we saw God’s majesty- His creation for His pleasure and ours. School started for all of us September 3, 2013. Charles, my 5 year old lost his first tooth at breakfast that morning. Fun memories already in the making. Within a week Henry (7) and Charles, were asking if we could stay and live here. They made good friends quickly and loved school. Meanwhile, I was beginning my journey in discovering the Father Heart of God, and for the first time, understanding the character of God and seeing His broken heart because of His people’s sin and disobedience, and hearing the lies of Satan that had entangled me for so long, being exposed and debunked. YES! I was right. There was something I was missing. There was something more to Jesus and I was on the path of finding more. But still, something was missing. What was it? Frustration. So much emotion. Head spinning. Heart breaking. Can’t breathe. What’s wrong with me?

The Jesus, The God, The Holy Spirit of my head knowledge was finally in my heart.

Receiving a new revelation

Just when I thought I might explode…..HOLY SPIRIT---revealed. I was washed in the most amazing, incredible peace that surpasses understanding. I experienced being drunk in the Spirit. I experienced, Holy Spirit falling heavy on a place- on me. I was wrapped in Jesus’ arms. It was so tangible, so real. I cried in His arms and He comforted me and spoke so gently to me, “Come home to Me My bride, My love, My beautiful daughter, let Me heal you, let Me love you, let Me comfort you, let Me be everything you need”. 

Now He was revealed to me….the real Jesus. I experienced Him. The Jesus, The God, The Holy Spirit of my head knowledge was finally in my heart. Thank You Jesus! His Word promises that He will reveal Himself to those who seek Him. Another promise that He kept.

Each day I fall more and more in love with Him and His Word and I crave His word and I crave experiencing Holy Spirit the way I used to crave drugs.

I love sharing with others that He loves them and sees them and cares about them and that He died so that they can have life and have it in abundance. It’s like I discovered a secret (which isn’t a secret—that’s a lie of the enemy) and I’m just bursting to blurt it out (like when Henry has a secret and he is just busting at the seams to share it!).

Living out the new revelation

Friday night evangelism was the perfect time to share this great news. I was so scared to go the first time. I surely identified spiritual warfare. The enemy was afraid of me because he knew God would use me to share His love. Hurray! It was amazing!!

Outreach in Brazil was much the same… sharing God’s word with His children who so much needed to hear that He sees them, and He loves them and He wants to help them through the hard stuff and rejoice with them in the good times. Brazil was a huge gift from God to me and my boys. He gave us the opportunity to see a part of His beautiful, great big world! Charles got to lose his second tooth while there and Henry got to celebrate his 8th birthday with a Brazilian dance party and we all got to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ in beautiful, incredible, Pitangui, Brazil. We had a game day party, and great food cooked by our leaders Dayna and Brittaney and then we went for a swim and enjoyed 90 degree weather while knowing that our home in Wisconsin was enduring the coldest winter in 40 years. We enjoyed fresh off the tree mangoes and bananas too. God. In the details. In the “small stuff”. God. Everyday. All day. In all things. All ways. Always.

Thank you God for loving us so much that You sent Your One and Only Son to live and die for us. Thank You Jesus for willingly enduring a horrendous beating and torturous death so that we may have abundant life here on earth and then eternal life with You when this journey here on earth is complete.

I continue to be in prayer about our next steps and I know that they will be taken with Jesus as my Husband, the lover of my soul and Father God, Daddy to me and my children and that we will be filled Holy Spirit every step of our journey during our visit here on earth.

1 comment:

  1. Wow Carol! Wow GOD! Thankyou for revealing yourself so intimately to Carol and for healing her and helping her to feel whole again in your love. In Jesus name, Amen